A Screwtape Letter for the Young Pastor

“It does not matter how small the sins are provided their cumulative effect is to edge the Man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. Indeed, the safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.” - C.S. Lewis

Dear Wormwood, 

Congratulations on your new appointment! The destruction of a pastor is perhaps one of the most exciting missions in our line of work. In my experience, there are several ways you can go about this: sexual temptation, hidden addictions - but my personal favorite is pride. Addictions are well known to the subject and might actually make him humbler. Spiritual pride, on the other hand, can do a world of damage without anyone noticing. But it’s a slow burn, so you must be patient. 

For your first mission, I suggest choosing a subject that is young and green - preferably leading their first church.  Your mission isn’t to make the subject heretical, but rather to slowly, quietly drain him of faith, hope, joy, Christian love, and all of those so-called Christian “virtues” while growing him in the opposing virtues of self-reliance and self-centeredness.

Now, you’ve got to lie low and allow the church to really succeed. You actually want the church to grow - the faster the better. This sounds counterintuitive but trust me. Let the pastor think he’s doing a great job and let everyone tell him so. This will stoke the embers of his pride. Encourage him to preach boldly and pray eloquently, but always with the faintest scent of self. 

Praise his authenticity. After a sermon, whisper to him, “That was powerful. Did you see their faces? You're really something special.”  But never suggest he should willingly accept praise. He will become a man proud of his own humility.

As the church grows bigger, he will quietly start to believe that this success isn’t a gift from the Evil One, but from his own gifting and charisma. And he’ll lead all the people to join him in the mission to get people to church and have lots of successful programs. They’ll be expending their energy creating flyers and silly door hangers, so much so that they won’t be praying or reading their Bibles. There will be great energy and excitement around the growth of the church - but it will be hilariously void of any real power from the Evil Spirit, not changing their characters - except to make them all more self-righteous. 

The next thing to do is keep your subject very busy. He’ll be so tired from planning events, meeting with disgruntled members, and trying to get more people into the church. Let his motto be “hustle, hustle” rather than “abide.” Even sermon preparation is a great opportunity, because as he’s reading that awful book, you can keep him so focused on how it applies to everyone else that he won’t be doing any real self-examination. 

And in his office, he will often be privy to the moral failures of others. Make sure to take this opportunity to whisper in his ear, “at least you’re better than them.” 

Of course, there might be those in the church that recognize what you’re trying to do. They might try to warn the pastor. If possible, get these people out of the way.  Christian accountability is quite dangerous to our cause. As the subject grows more drunk with his own power and authority, two things will happen. First, he will begin to see those that disagree or question him as a threat.  Let even the gentlest correction feel like an insult to his divine calling. Whisper in your subject’s ear that this person is disrupting church ‘unity’ - something Christians value very much. He will be able to invent many reasons why these people should be removed at any cost. Secondly, in awe of the church’s success, others will idolize his supposed spiritual superiority and won’t dare offer dissenting opinions. There won’t be much left of the so-called “virtues” at this point. If you’ve made it this far, you’ll have him nicely isolated and you’ll be ready to move in for the kill. 

The book calls the church people “sheep.” It’s funny that they don’t seem to mind this insult. Sheep are such dumb creatures with so little ability for self-reflection. They'll follow their shepherd - right off a cliff.

But how to dump them off a cliff, you ask? Now it’s time to more publicly wreck the shepherd. You could certainly tempt him with a marital affair - or perhaps in his financial strain, people may discover his tax evasion or stealing a bit from the weekly collections. To pick the right method, you’ll have to really know his personal tendencies. But once some scandal is publicly discovered, there won’t be going back. All the people who put their hope in him will suddenly think it’s all been a big mistake. There’s no limit to the chaos and disorder you can create! 

Remember though, do everything you can to distract your subject from prayer. Keep him - and all his sheep - praying about things like “Nancy’s broken foot” and “so-and-so’s sick aunt." No prayer is good prayer - but you’d rather have them praying like this than confessing all their sins and praying for more of the so-called “fruit.” Once the Spirit gets ahold of them, there’s really nothing you can do. 

So, never ever, let him pray the old prayer, “Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner…” 

Best wishes on your first assignment. 

Your Proud Uncle, 

Vainglore 

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This satirical letter is based on C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters. Through nearly fifteen years of vocational ministry, Chris and I have witnessed the heartbreaking fall of several ministry leaders.  Perhaps I began writing this as a cathartic exercise - but as writing often does, it challenged me to self-reflect on my own tendencies toward spiritual pride and self-sufficiency.  We are far too easily deceived.

May we daily cry out, “Lord Jesus, have mercy on me” (Psalm 51:1). 

Pray for your pastors and ministry leaders.  “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” (Eph 6:12)

Pic Credit: The Gospel Coalition